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I cannot help myself from wondering if you are another lesson. Another person to teach me something. 
Someone I don't get to keep.
It's not doubt, I am not second-guessing what we have. I'm just scared to lose it. So much loss in this life. Enough for the next one to come.
So, I look at the moon. And I make a wish. That it is you and I in this life.
And the next. 

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Do I still want to die? 

Now that the days grow longer with warmth, I may not be so sure. But that cold feeling of relief. I had felt my shoulders sag from the belief. The belief of, yes, it is what I want, in this moment in time. 

To disappear. 

But, to never love again, that would be tragic.