Emotions

they will manipulate you

they will take your tongue and jaw in such a grip

leaving you vulnerable

they will make you say things

do things

that you would not have before

they can haunt you

they can drag you down with such a weight

and even drown you

some people are slaves

jumping to action eagerly

without a second thought

others stand firm

wires on their teeth

refusing to succumb 

you can be corrupted

you can turn into someone you are not

or you can stand firm

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You are
the wild flower
the warmth of the morning sun

You were
my pulsing heart
my every hope

You are
the pride in my eyes
and the hole in my chest

You were
the one I sacrificed everything for
the one I stood by and defended

You are
in every roaring storm
in every gasp of air

You were
living in pain
but will forever live through me

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It will never go away.
This I understand completely.

It is a cloak of mist, tangling my mind.
Poisoning my thoughts.
Obscuring my vision.

Some days it is thick and dense,
crawling around me and hanging low.
Others just a slow, faint drizzle.
Barely noticeable, somewhat tolerable.

But always there.
Always a reminder.

A constant buzzing in my core.
Cold and piercing,
or a steady, deep throb.

The pain is as evident and broad as your absence.
It will never go away.

it was the way you laughed, i knew i wanted that in my life

pretty eyes
a silver tongue
a scent of fire
kissed like rain

i have nowhere
to run
oh, you are
a dangerous one

1966 - 2019

Delve through my mind, curl your fingers into my despair.
Feel my broken love for you that I could never convey.
Stare into the hollows of my eyes and listen to me wail.

Pour your fire into me, let it roar through my veins and scorch this anguish.
Envelope me in your healing embrace.
Send me your strength.

Rest your damaged soul.
Encircle the one you love, for you are now reunited with him.
You will never be forgotten, and you were never forsaken.

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fight for us.
please, for the love of God, do not give up.
we've all been through so much, but you are not alone.
you are not alone.
please, fight for us.
i know you want it all to stop.
i know you are tired of suffering, tired of the pain.
i can see the defeat in your eyes, and it destroys me.
because this is not who you are.
you are defiant.
you are that biting mare that dares anyone to cross you.
you are that burning fire that is slowly, gradually dimming.
do not succumb to it.
don't let it win.
please, fight for us.
time after time i have watched you defeat all the odds, watched you stand after every fall.
i have watched you clench your teeth against the pain as you walked through hell.
everyone has doubted you and you have proved them wrong.
so do it again.
do it again and fight.
please, fight for us.
bring that fire back.
come back and fight.

you crumpled me

i did love you
i loved you so much that i couldn't breathe
you devoured my entire being
we were young and things were perfect
and that is why i tolerated it
i tolerated the screaming, the belittlement
i tolerated the constant fights and the suffocation
i waited for you
i waited for you to actually give a damn for once
i left one toxic home just to stumble right back into yours
i tried to hang on, God, believe me, i tried
because i believed you were worth it
i gave you, i gave them, chance after chance and i left you with every last thing i had
i allowed myself to be stretched and torn
but i stopped
i stopped questioning where my place in your life is
i stopped waiting
i stopped crying and praying and wishing that you would change
because i'm tired
i'm tired of putting my time and effort into you
i'm tired of your words not matching your actions
i gave you more than i should have
i was willing to be with you forever
i was willing to be left behind
i was willing to give up parts of me that you never earned, that you would never cherish
now i allow myself to think about what it would be like if you had not crumpled me like paper and tossed me aside so many times
i think about where we would be if i had kept letting you
if maybe you would have finally pulled me out of the trash and flattened me out, never to ruin me again