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Their failures plague you us
over and over.

They are the reason
why I fight so hard,
why I cry so hard.

They have tampered with 
your vision and heart.

They have control 
over your actions,
your thoughts,
our love.

Dictating
something that is
no longer theirs.

Because of them
I have to fight
for my position,
your love,
and your trust.

There is no love
if there is no faith.
And they have stripped
that to your core.

To fix what they have broken,
I will remain on my knees
screaming for you
to stop pushing me down.

I will tenderly gather
each piece, one by one.
Loving each one
until you feel whole again.

you crumpled me

i did love you
i loved you so much that i couldn't breathe
you devoured my entire being
we were young and things were perfect
and that is why i tolerated it
i tolerated the screaming, the belittlement
i tolerated the constant fights and the suffocation
i waited for you
i waited for you to actually give a damn for once
i left one toxic home just to stumble right back into yours
i tried to hang on, God, believe me, i tried
because i believed you were worth it
i gave you, i gave them, chance after chance and i left you with every last thing i had
i allowed myself to be stretched and torn
but i stopped
i stopped questioning where my place in your life is
i stopped waiting
i stopped crying and praying and wishing that you would change
because i'm tired
i'm tired of putting my time and effort into you
i'm tired of your words not matching your actions
i gave you more than i should have
i was willing to be with you forever
i was willing to be left behind
i was willing to give up parts of me that you never earned, that you would never cherish
now i allow myself to think about what it would be like if you had not crumpled me like paper and tossed me aside so many times
i think about where we would be if i had kept letting you
if maybe you would have finally pulled me out of the trash and flattened me out, never to ruin me again

Growing Up

     I feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel like if I gave them those letters, they would just brush it off without a second glance. As if they mean nothing. As if the memories we shared were just another day. But I'm holding onto these memories as their presence slips between my fingers, out of control, like grains of sand. I don't want them to fade.
     I know I'm a kid. I know they're older and they have important things going on, but I want to hold onto our friendship. Or were they just my co-workers? Am I wasting their time by talking to them?
     I want to reach out and say, "Hello, I miss you, how have you been, I hope that. . . " but I know it'll prove futile. A weak attempt. My messages will fall ignored, or they simply won't respond.
     I'm afraid to see them again. Of course I want to, I care about them unconditionally, but I know that there's a large chance I'll break. I shouldn't cry over people that don't care about me. I give my 100% while I receive 50%. I shouldn't let this bother me. But I love them. I cherish these memories. Because it's now all I have.

Yeah. You.

You're on my mind a lot.
     You shouldn't be, but you are. I could put my foot down and end this, but do I want to? I'd hate to stop seeing that smile of yours.
     I honestly don't know if you even care about me, though. Do you? Or are you just stroking your ego by saying those things? Those things that make my heart rush and stomach twist. The things that I want to hear from my s/o, but I don't. He's never said those things before. He's not good at words like you are.
     You shouldn't be on my mind. You're bad for me. Really bad. I kinda wish I pushed you away when I had the chance, to tell you to stop, so my perspective of you wouldn't change. I would've been completely fine by us being simple friends. But now everything has changed. And I'm scared.
     I don't want to lose you. I see you as a good friend. A friend that I want to keep seeing because your presence gives me joy. You're a great person to be around and I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could just do the things that I want to do without being tied down. I feel like I'm being held back. This isn't fair to either of us, nor him; the one I should be thinking about. Not you. Him.
     But it's you. It's always you, now.